Who needs wine when you’ve got labels?

New Merlot tasting profile introduced in US

Divided into four categories Plum, Plummier, Plum Bum and Brian Sewell, the Merlot profile is designed to make consumers aware of the sheer range of plumminess that Merlot can attain. A similar Argentinean initiative calibrates “chocolaticity” in their versions of the grape.

The profile was created by the International Merlot Foundation (IMF), a non profit organisation dedicated to “putting the “Oh” factor” back in Merl-ot, after market research discovered that the grape variety was being confused with a small marsupial that lives in the Kalahari desert.

Dr Merle Ho has been using the plum scale on her back labels for two years and says that the proof of the pudding is in the labelling.

A new Alexander Payne movie called Backside, celebrating the re-emergence of the world’s plummiest varietal, is said to be in the pipeline, starring Paul Giamatti as Robert Parker’s amazing farting dog.