We double-decant the stories beneath the headlines

Gina Gallo: Pinotgate was ‘a disaster’
The ‘Pinotgate’ scandal, allegedly involving 18 million bottles of fake Pinot Noir from the Languedoc...

Ya think?

The hocus-pocus Pinot scandal following other fraudulent practices such as the aptly named Merlot-railings, Viognier-fence and Cabernet-hedge is apparently only the tip of the wine iceberg. 30 million bottles of Grenache claiming to have come from Burgundy for their Galloneuf-du-Pape wine blend are said to be “highly suspect.”

Bordeaux 2010: quality very good but high alcohol and over-extraction a danger
Bordeaux 2010 continues to look of excellent quality, although there are increasing concerns over...

In the vintage of the new decade cases of wine will be packed with ice cream scoops called Rollands (this will allow drinkers to skim the top layers off the 400% new oaked wines). Some oenologists are said to be divided about the new practice of macro-oxygenation (pumping an oxygen bubble the size of a child’s balloon in the tank or barrel). “If it doesn’t work we’ll have to rack it up to experience”, said one with a nod and wink.

Asda sued over frog in wine bottle
A woman is suing UK supermarket Asda after buying a bottle of wine from the supermarket...

The frog is said to have got in via the hold of the toy ship. A spokesamphibian for Asda said that the wine was on special promotion (frog for two) and that every little croaks.

‘Finest’ vineland under threat in Australia
Land hailed as Australia’s finest undeveloped vineyard site is under threat from developers.

According to the locals it’s all a dastardly French plot to build a wine theme park on God’s own terroir. There is a Chardonnay ride, a Merlot ramp and a Sauvignon rip-off, as well as an area of spinning cones and reverse osmositrons. Attractions include guess the weight of the must and there is lemonade stand (in case any wines feel faint – of acidity).

Mondavi: cool 2010 will bring finesse to Napa
The 2010 harvest in Napa Valley could potentially be the greatest vintage in over 35 years, according to...

The harvest will so cool, according to some reports, because all pickers will be wearing the Ray-Ban wayfarers and plucking grapes to put in panniers on front of their Metisse motorcycles. Said grapes will attract a new breed of people with savoir-faire and sophistication into the Napa Valley if those commodities can be purchased at a reasonable price from the French aristocracy.