Pi-not thanks!

It doesn’t give me any pleasure to say this (yes, it does, enormous pleasure) but today, at The Wines of Chile Tasting, I assayed thirty-five Pinot Noirs and frankly, I’m buffaloed if I can comprehend how any self-respecting judge worth his or her sodium carbonate could ever lob a trophy in the general direction of these wines.

Virtually every wine in this profile tasting was labelled reserva (as if to confer the pretence of excellence on it) or presumably to justify the clunkingly heavy bottles – some of which must have weighed in at least a kilogram. Just in case one didn’t get the point that high seriousness was being invoked the wines collectively displayed the delightful mixture of extractive winemaking, heavy reduction and deep toasty oak that made them truly splendid examples of Barossa Shiraz. Numb with palate fatigue I reached the final wine in this section, a trophy-garnering number clocking a joyous 15.5% (fortified Pinot, anyone?) guaranteed to bring a pained smile to your lips and a burning sensation to your palate.

Summary: no varietal character, no terroir definition, clumsy winemaking – Pinots sans soul, sans joy, sans drinkability.

Best quote of the tasting:
- This wine is corked. Could you possibly open another bottle?
- No, it’s not corked – it’s organic.