More news headlines

UK supermarket chain 99p Stores’ (the bastard offspring of Delboy ltd and Arthur Daley enterprises) plans to sell wine for 99p a bottle, to the dismay of some alcohol awareness professionals, whose job is to be professionally aware about alcohol.

“This wine will be as cheap as chips and, like vinegar, you can pour it over chips”, remarked the owner of the 99p shops. “We are responding to customer “drinkback” which says that they want something for nothing”.

The 1p change can be used to buy a vast zinc bucket to throw up into.

When asked what he would do when expected increases in duty and vat came into force, the owner of the 99p shops asked: “Duty? Vat?”

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The news that M & S have brought out a new range of 187ml cup-a-wines has delighted novelty addicts, discerning winos and highly disciplined singletons alike.  This brilliant innovation obviates the previous need to drink M & S’s almost unlimited range of excellent wines straight from the bottle. This is no ordinary wine in a plastic cup, apparently, this is M & S wine in a plastic cup…

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The world’s first Mouton Cadet wine bar has opened in Guangzhou, in southern China, around 100km from the Hong Kong border. As well as a range of Rothschild wines the wine bar’s speciality dish will be mouton dressed as lamb.