Gallo, gallo, gallo, what’s all this then?

La Bicyclette does some groovy spokey dokeys

It’s called in the business doing a “backwards Sideways”, adulterating your limpid Pinot Noir with murky Syrah (Shiraz) and Merlot. It seems that the Gallo family have been hoodwinked by a handful of beret-wearing, snail-sucking, garlic-munching French peasants who were peddling something other than le vrai bicyclette. How could they treat their former partners in the American Revolution in such an underhand way? Quite easily, as it happens.

One might have thought that the news of a discovery of a giant lagoon of pure Pinot in the heart of the hot Languedoc scrub might have aroused the suspicions of those wine-savvy Yanks curious to know the origin of 18 plus million bottles of God’s own grape variety. Those co-ops, trade bodies and negociants involved claimed their collective lack of English led to misunderstandings– when requested for pure Pinot, they thought were being asked for poor Merlot (apparently, the phone line wasn’t very clear).

A spokesman for one of the French companies involved shrugged his shoulder in a gallic fashion and said: “Bouf!”

News that Ealing Studios is about to be reformed to make a film of the story are said to be unfounded, although there are rumours that Gerard Depardieu’s nose has been contacted about a large part in a potential French movie called Conned You - Fr. Con Dieu), where Viognier is passed off as Batard-Montrachet to the Mondavi family for the sheer hell of it.